unbroken

There is a theory (I was reading about on Jon Katz's blog) that I have been thinking about lately that revolves around the notion that "in all of us there is an undamaged, unbroken core...the spirit of us that is pure and intact"(Katz). There is a part of us that views the world like we did when we were five....without the influence of ugly truths, or the experiences of disappointments, hurt and pain. And, as I fell in love with this theory, I thought about dogs...I thought about Sophie.



photo of sophie by scruffy dog photography

In my continued quest to understand and appreciate the human connection with animals, I've conversed with many pet owners...listened to their stories, felt their passions, pondered their theories about why and how these connections develop, why they are important and how they can run so deep. I believe this unbroken core theory is central to this connection.

photo of sophie by scruffy dog photography

It seems possible to me that our animals touch this spririt in us. Through their innocence, their exhuberance for joy and for love, their simple way of being, they are able to connect us periodically with our unbroken core....and we feel five years old again and see the world with awe and with hope and with wonder. And even if it's only for a few minutes at a time, it is, without a doubt, one of the most wonderful feelings in the world. I know this because I have found my spirit with Sophie in many places....as we danced with the snowflakes across a wintery field; as we swam in silly circles under a warm july sun; as we lost ourselves on the trails without a care for the time or the world; and everytime she has made me laugh out loud or my heart burst with love. She found the unbroken me.

letters to hazel

My first blog post of 2010...where does the time go? It was with that thought in mind a year ago that I began my letters to Hazel...




My best friend in this world moved to Florida several years ago and now she has beautiful daughter who just turned two this past December. My friend and I stay connected via email, phone calls, facebook and through a few in person visits throughout the year....and it is relatively easy to do because she knows me. Every part of me. So even if we don't talk due to busy lives for a few weeks, as soon as I hear her voice I feel instantly connected to her...we just pick up where we left off. I realized, in the months following her daughter's birth, that I wanted her daughter to really know me, too.





So on that little girl's first birthday I gave my friend the first letter to Hazel, positioned on the first page of a scrapbook...the beginning of a collection for her. And I would send her a letter each year for her birthday...a letter that contained: bits and pieces of my journey that year, my wishes for her, stories about her mother and I, my thoughts. And through this collection of letters she would come to know me.




I can imagine now, her mother's voice as she reads what I have written to her daughter...and that makes me smile. I can imagine, in the near future, a little girl sounding out letters and vowels as she reads my words herself in a voice that sounds just like her mother's...and that makes my heart swell up. And perhaps one day, I can imagine a letter in return...addressed to an older woman and filled with the writing, hopes and dreams of a young woman....and that will fill my soul with joy. And she won't just know me...we will know each other.

and, in a whisper, he was gone

I lost someone today. We were not close on a day to day basis...but we were cousins...we were family. And he was young. With a wife and with daughters. And with much life ahead of him. And he is gone...and it is hard to know what to do with that...


coda...his dog

He is the first person I have lost where I can not make some kind of sense of it...he was not elderly, a person who had lived their life...he should not have had his time cut short. And, at this point, I struggle to wrap my mind around it...



He is the first person to make me really feel the difference between losing pets and losing people, because as much as have I felt and do acknowlege the pain of losing pets, this is a different grief. I miss knowing that he is on this earth and I know that what I feel is only a fragment of what his wife and children and parents must be feeling...because he left far too soon. And as long as I am in this world, I will never understand why the universe felt that he had to go.



his daughter and coda

So here's to vintage sportscars and 21 year-old scotch and to our dogs (coda) and fresh sushi and to family and to the simple joys that can be found in this world...here's to some of the things that I know he loved. And here's to the next adventure....you will be missed and you will always be loved, Gord.

constants and change

I think one of the best parts of life is change....is our ability to evolve. Even as a small child, I loved change. We moved a few times around the country in my early years...and my mother has often told me how I excited I was each time....it was something new, a chance to re-invent myself.





Over the last couple months, I feel like my life has gotten away from me a little bit. I want to fix that...and it will require change. More to come on that....I will say for now that the only way to embrace change, to thrive on it, is to continue to have constants in life...and for me that will always be Sophie...and that will always be Elora.

a moment with sophie

There is something about sitting in the sun on a warm afternoon in the fall and feeling the weight of your dog leaning against you as she sits beside you. About the tenderness of her paw on your leg...about the sincerity in her eyes when she looks up at you.



I don't know whether it's the genuine nature of a dog....the fact that you know she has no hidden agenda, no other reason for loving that moment except that it was a moment in her world with one of the people she loves the most...or whether it's the knowledge that I know those times with her are finite, that a day will come where the only weight of hers that I will feel is her memory in my heart. But there is something about those moments that make the world glow. That make me pay attention. That touch my soul and that I know, even now, will stay with me always. A moment with Sophie....it will last forever.

fulfillment

A good friend and I were having a conversation recently about life and he used the word "fulfillment". I tossed that word around for days afterwards...thinking about the role that fulfillment has in our lives. There are so many different aspects to one's life...areas that matter, that affect our well being, that help us determine whether or not we are living the best version of our life: our work, our relationships, our children, our health, our hobbies, our financial stability, our faith and so on. In each of those areas we have a set of ideals, of expectations, of how we want that part of our life to be...what we need it to be in order to feel fulfilled.

I look around me and I see, more often than I would have expected, that people use the fulfillment they may be getting from one aspect of their life to make up for a lack of it in another. The fulfillment from having children makes up for the void left by a mediocre marriage. Or financial stability makes up for the monotony of a job that one has no passion for. Can one strive for fulfillment in every area of their life?

Finding fulfillment is hard, hard work. Things that are worth doing are usually hard. Sophie taught me about what true fulfillment really feels like....I had never really experienced that until she came into my life. I have written before that I had never felt as proud or as accomplished than when people would comment on how well we worked together or how well trained she was. Once you taste that kind of joy, you begin to seek it out in other areas of your life. But that kind of fulfillment does not come easy....it is a journey, and it is usually found by making tough decisions, by having courage, by having perseverance. I have found more fulfillment in the last year than I have known in my lifetime...but I have a long way to go still. I guarantee you will know two things for sure on your journey to fulfillment:

One....you will know when you have found it, because it will feel like your soul has grown wings.

And two...you will know that it was worth every second of that journey.

So is it possible to find fulfillment in every aspect of your life.? My answer is I don't know...but I intend to spend most of my time on this earth trying to find out.

a real dog

I received a pet industry research report at work this week that used the phrase "a real dog" in it at a few points. The phrase stuck in my thoughts for the next few days as I dared to ponder how does one define "a real dog"?


oban

Our passion for our pets has created such a range of philosophy in the dog world....everything from what they should be eating to how to train them to what they should look like to conform to breed standards. And passionate dog owners, trainers, etc are never shy about giving their opinion (with the best of intentions) on those views. It's amazing that these creatures have created such strong feelings in us....it's one of the very reasons that our relationships with dogs has evolved in such a wonderful way. But with the sweet always comes the sour.

coda

A real dog? Is that one of a certain size? One that wears a Halloween costume or one that doesn't? One that is purebred? One that works or one that shows? I've heard this expression,"a real dog" before...and it saddens me that some of us judge the "realness" of dog based on some pre-determined list of criteria that is agreed to upon by....who?

barkley

There are so many neglected and abused dogs...they are the ones that need our support, our intervention, our voice. The happy, go-lucky dogs of this world who have good forever families don't....no matter what kind of kibble they eat, or if they can't hold a sit-stay for a full minute or if they wear a different outfit every week or if the only papers to their name is a copy of the shelter adoption form. They don't need to be saved or spoken for on behalf of their well-being. Their owners don't need to be lectured. And neither the owner nor the dog needs to be judged. Do you know how you can spot a "real dog"? Because they are happy.

sophie

A real dog is a happy dog. A real dog loves to eat and sniff and bark and play. A real dog gets a chance, now and then, to run. A real dog has a warm, safe place where they love to sleep. A real dog is loved. And a real dog loves you back. Tell me how it gets any more real than that?